Monday, April 28, 2014

Internal Inferno


PASSION is that thing that drives you. It attracts and draws you to a targeted point. What I absolutely Love about PASSION is that it pushes you when you don't want to be pushed. As a result, it keeps you on your toes and ahead of the game.

But lately I've developed a hatred for PASSION. What I absolutely Hate about PASSION is when what you desire is in the wrong season, it can cause some internal damage. You start to make decisions based off your emotions rather than your instincts. It's frustrating to want something now, but can't have it till an unknown time in the future (God's time). 
It is the equivalent of having a fire that cannot be tamed. Fire that cannot be tamed is hazardous to anything in it's circumference. Because that fire, or PASSION that's burning within you does not have the  proper outlet to function, you'll enter a season of fighting an Internal Inferno.

It'll feel as if your PASSION is doing more harm than good. During this Internal Inferno, the essence of YOU is affected by the fire, and parts of your nature will experience burn out.
Your joy starts to burn out, your creativity burns out, your fortitude burns out, your tenacity burns out, your discipline burns out, your prayer life burns out, your focus burns out, your energy burns out...Even your love for people burns out....along with so many other traits that you identify with on a day to day basis.
Please note that it doesn't all burn out at once. You just look up one day ask God, "What happened to me? How did I become so depressed and frustrated with life, when I used to be the life of the party? When did I become so cynical?" 
And at this point, you become sensitive to things you usually dismiss. You used to just keep it moving when things or people bother you, but now you can't wait for someone to step on your toes so you can go OFF!!!....just so you can have an excuse to curse and get out of character. It's an Internal Inferno!!! 

You don't like who you've become in that season. It doesn't suit your nature, calling, and purpose.
That fire has caused a lot of internal damage. It's like going back into a house that was on fire. You would like to go back and save your most important belongings, but they were caught up in the fire before you got to it.
From this Internal Inferno, you try to save and reclaim the essence of who you are, but most of it was caught up in the fire. You want your joy back, but it was caught up in the want your tenacity back, but it was caught up in the want your fortitude an will power back, but it was caught up in the fire. 

Now, the focus is no longer building the vision that you're so PASSIONATE about. You're now focused on building stability. You've exerted so much energy trying to tame the fire that you just want to live, and function as a Man/Woman. 
When you rebuild a house that was on fire, you don't build using the parts that were build with new parts. 
After your Internal Inferno, you can't reconstruct yourself looking for the parts of you that were burned in the fire. You still need those parts, but they have to be new for you to function. And those new parts can only come supernaturally from God. He make all things new, and I know this to be true. (Read 2nd Corinthians 5:17)

Here's my question, as we wrap this up.
How do you function on a day to day bases with no outlet for your PASSION? Remember, you only tamed the fire called never put it out and quite frankly, you can't. You didn't light the fire, (God did. Only he can't put out what he lit.) 
Because it's not burning wild like it used to, doesn't mean the fire no longer exists. If you've ever walked into a house after a fire, you can still spot some flames in a little corner that's waiting to spread.

PASSION, I love you an hate you at the very same time.